i finally shut down

mayb tts juz wad god wants.
painful but i wait for the future.
look high up the skies.
scream my hearts out till its all out.
its time i move on.
i haven given up on us. i nv wil.
im juz movin on.
i dun wanna feel so painful anymore.
im so dry n weak.
i almost felt like fainting.
auntie thinks im strong. mayb i am.
but i hav turn weak from a broken heart.
i need a super glue to stick them back.
mayb it may be u to mend my broken heart again.
mayb its juz sumone else.
god noes i dun. god i trust u.
though many times i doubt.
im sorry i only turn to u when i truly find my life in a total mess.
a mess i duno how to clean up myself.
though i tink hes the one for me.
perhaps god tink otherwise.
i duno. i'll try to accept all that comes.
god pls give me strength to pass each day till the day i hear frm him again.
an answer to my future.
i'll be faithful to u til the day u end this totally.
im stil urs. im stil calvin's gf.
like i've said to u before. my heart belongs to u n u alone.
it wun be able to stuff another one till u take u away frm my heart.
as long as i dun get an answer i'll nv throw u out of my heart to
let another enter.

i slp my tears away. perhaps its dry by now anyway.
stil i say this. like i do every night.
i love u so much. good night.
bye.