brings back the old times

a letter to u!

u may think u've given me alot. but honestly, alot means different for everyone.
money spend i cant disagree. time? dun really think so. considering the fact that
im home most of the time. please me? for god sake, if u did please me, i wun be
so unhappy. wad i wan is nt money, time, or wadeva shit. i only wish u cared
n bothered that im sumone special to u. but i felt like im treated as nobody.
i felt like im left out of ur life. ur frens noe more things in ur life than i did.
hav u told me anything abt ur uni? have u told me anything abt ur medical board?
i dun think so. i read them all frm ur blog or frm others' mouth. a gf had to do that
n nt knowing it herself. u gimmie attitude when u like it. n i hav to tolerate it.
i tried to nt rem when u cant even be bothered with me. when u simply ignored
my presence. i giv excuses for myself to make myself happier. if thats wad
a relationship should be then fine u did it. u made me feel like a nobody in ur life.
u make me feel like im always behind ur frens. gd for u. thanks for makin me feel that way.
have u ever bothered tokin to me? nt at all. im always online but so wad. i tell u wad
happens during the day. have u? u nv bothered to. im sure u're thinkin, 'i juz dun feel like
talking', 'must we talk?', 'wads there to talk abt?'. honestly, these questions came only
because u cant be bothered. im always online. but...the only time i usually will hear
frm u is when u wanna slp already. nothing else. n u will ans me 'u wanna talk u talk la'
wads the point in talkin when its only me talking?
ever since last may/ june, things changed. u changed. the way u treated me changed. everything
changed. im nt sure if u realise that. mayb u nv will. coz u will nv think. i can say, the only time
i actually felt like i meant sth to u was the first two weeks when u're in tekong. after that never.
things gt back to wad it was.
first yr was great. things were sweet though we quarrelled alot. i agree, i demanded u
to do things. i wanna see u every single day. i agree the first yr u did alot for me, to please me.
but after that? nv. i've changed. i've learnt my lesson. i did wad i could. wad abt u?
hav u asked urself wad did u do for me ever since? wad efforts did u put in?
where were u when i was in my most down period? most stress period? i felt like u dun
ever cared when i was sick. u nv bothered askin how i was. its the simpliest things u always
dun bothered doin. i duno if u think its a chore? i duno.
mayb like u said. everything i do, is a waste of your time.
how else should i be feeling? i guess i juz hav u to thank for making me feel like
miss nothing. THANK U VERY MUCH.

its obvious u wun agree with wad i said. its always a waste of my breath.

givin with no return.

sum ppl juz refuse to see themselves at fault. they think wad they did was
other's fault, or rather the other made them do wad they did. therefore, its nt
his fault. they start to take things for granted n nv appreciating wad ppl do.
they giv answers like..'no one ask u to wait'. so that it sounds like its me
who wanted to. n therefore, they dun appreciate it at all. they dun bother
seeing y i do it. they dun bother how i felt. all they cared abt was wad they wan.
wad they felt like doin or dun feel like doin. this has become an excuse for everything.
im tired of tryin to make things work. im tired of havin to give n give. but get
nothing in return. feel like its me who wan things better. n only me. one sided things.
spectators sees wads goin on best. i need not say anthing. others noe how i feel. others
noe i've done my part. wad abt the other party? they simply refuse to see.
they simply think they done their best. when best is almost nothing. when best is not
takin into consideration to make sumone happy. to do simple things for the
other to smile. but simply wanting things his own way.

i begin to wonder hav i made the wrong choice.

updates of myself.

past few days haven been really nice for me. nt that i think it was terrible
but things juz sum how felt all went wrong.
my right arm's muscle hurt since yday when i woke up. bad...coz my hand
is almost strengthless. n im even cleverer....i burnt myself with an iron
yday night on my left middle finger.
now i feel like im pointing the middle finger at everyone. haa. coz i cant
straighten my finger. touching it a little hurts too. terrible.
i hav trouble drawing...my proj? screwed.
sumone help me pls.....i need ppl to help me with vectoring! running out of
time. doubt i can finish if i do myself. stupid me. 'clever' me.
of all times all this happens to me NOW! damn.
this may sound oxymoron to u. but im lookin forward to fri but yet nt looking
forward for it. -_____-"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Travis - Know Nothing

Everything that you know is as wrong as the next
So you hold on to something and hope for the best
And you know that it's right til you find that it's left
And I'm doing the same and I have to confess

That I know nothing
I never knew that there'd be nothing
And no one to show you the way
I know nothing
When all I do is make it through
To the end of the day

All my senses are pushing the whole other way
I can't see where to look now what's that that you say
It's a beautiful world, it's a beautiful day
And I wish I could say, if I was feeling the same

When I know nothing
I never knew that there'd be nothing
And no one to show you the way
I know nothing
I need an Obi-wan to tell me if I've gone astray

And I wish it was clearer to see
If you are what you're made out to be
But there's no guarantee, if you're you and I'm me
And there never will be, til I can see what you see

When I know nothing
I never knew that there'd be nothing
And no one to show you the way
I know nothing
When all I do is make it through
To the end of the day

When I know nothing
I never knew that there'd be nothing
And no one to show you the way
I know nothing
When all I do is make it through
To the end of the day

When I know nothing, I never knew that there'd be
Know nothing, I never knew that there'd be
Know nothing, I never knew that there'd be
Know nothing, I never knew that there'd be

wish im gone.

everything to my mum is all abt saving money.
even sth that is goin to determine if i'll pass or fail!
if nt willing to fork out money to let me bind then i dun even go print la.
dun even bother to hand in. juz fail! save the money!
does that make her happier? im tired of money issues...
im tired of havin to explain to her how i spend when most of the times
its obvious im spending so little on stuffs unneeded. imagine....
20 dollars for two weeks. juz tell me how u survive? but she stil can ask
how i spend so fast... -_-
im tired tired of everything. sick of doin proj. i juz wanna give up!
i totally duno how im goin to bind. how to finish vectoring on com.
how to make it look like book. i duno. im worried. who actually sees it?
who actually noes it? i juz wished i disappear frm earth. fuck the proj. fuck my life.
death solves money probs. death solves my misery.
isnt stress frm this stupid dumb shit ass proj enough? how much more can one handle?

run against time

today was quite a gd day. i enjoyed walking ard with hilmi and his fren.
i forgot that guy name. abit ang mo lookin. haaa
went to sch today to print, bind and hand in my report.
i would say...it looks gd after binding. lol.
after that went to find my gd fren hilmi! hes juz nice la...
help me carry my bag all the while. knowing its damn heavy. heee.
they r jokers...making me laugh all the time. tryin to disturb the
students that come for open house.
tmr jam n hop! hilmi performing..but so sad. i cant go coz i gt reunion dinner.
=( bah...told hilmi to took more photos show me. so i'll upload if i gt the photos
frm him! hee.
today's weather kinda suck. suddenly after so many days of gd weather.
today they decided to rain suddenly. -_-
renewed my seventeen card n oso bought the mag for only 2 dollars. hee.
so i gt the goodie bag! so many things inside! some r for guys, so dear its for u! hee.

left with abt 4 days to finish my proj. i wanna get it done by wed to send it for printing.
if i can hard cover binding. we shal see...pray i can do well. n finish it on time!
gd luck to mildred! adios!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dear!!! look! im a kitten! no wonder u love me. hee. awwwww....

You Are A: Kitten!

Cute as can be, kittens are playful, mischevious, and ever-curious. Like you, kittens hate getting wet. Kittens are often loving, but are known to scratch or bite when annoyed. These adorable animals are the most popular pets in the United States--37% of American households have at least one cat. Whether it is your gentle purr or your disarming appearance, you make a wonderful kitten.

You were almost a: Lamb or a Mouse
You are least like a: Groundhog or a TurtleWhat Cute Animal Are You?

thirsting for air.

mildred is so tired. tired of havin to think.
i hate fyp. i juz wish i had robots to help me.
wish i was cleverer n better in wad im doin.
i juz suck. suddenly i feel like im a loser in all i do.
back in sch days, i suck at my studies.
havin As in maths, doin so damn gd in maths is only
coz i hav a gd tutor. i've lost touch in my fav thing.
painting. after stopping my lessons, i've stop paintin.
honestly, i forgot most of the stuffs.
design is draining me. draining me till i cant breathe anymore.
im so tired. tired tired n tired.

my life, rated

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	5.7
Mind:	5.1
Body:	7.5
Spirit:	6.3
Friends/Family:	3.8
Love:	7.7
Finance:	3.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score leaves room for improvement. You can make changes to improve your trouble areas, and this will bring you greater satisfaction. Focus on your weakest points and set about to change them. Do not delay your happiness and success.

Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is not bad, but could be improved upon. Your mental health is not weak, but you are not achieving full mental clarity and function. Learn how to unclutter your mind. Keep learning, keep improving, continue moving forward.

Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather good body score, which is an indication that you take care of yourself. There is room for improvement, however. Please keep doing what works. Eat right, exercise, reduce your stress, treat any illness. Doing these things will help ensure your body will be in good working order for a long time to come.

Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score leaves room for improvement. Consider making a concerted effort to redefine your attitudes and focus your beliefs. Boosting your spirit will lead to greater life satisfaction.

Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score suffers, yet it does not need to be this way. Strengthen your social network by reaffirming old bonds. Seek out new friendships, and they will provide you the reward you need.

Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is in good shape, meaning that things are going well. Do all you can to maintain it, and continue to grow and move ahead.

Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. Your financial score indicates some trouble. Raise your score over time by making changes which will lead to greater prosperity in the future. Be sure to live within your means today.

Daniel Powter - Bad Day

Artist: Daniel Powter
Song Title: Bad Day

Where is the moment we need at the most
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey
They tell me your passion's gone away
And I don't need no carryin' on

You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way off line
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

Well you need a blue sky holiday
The point is they laugh at what you say
And I don't need no carryin' on

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

(Oh.. Holiday..)

Sometimes the system goes on the blink
And the whole thing turns out wrong
You might not make it back and you know
That you could be well oh that strong
And I'm not wrong

So where is the passion when you need it the most
Oh you and I
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost

Cause you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
You've seen what you like
And how does it feel for one more time
You had a bad day
You had a bad day

frm my heart

taken from karen's blog (my cousin)
Dated 5th of Dec 2005

I saw her online today and asked about her nick on MSN: "I'm tired of home" she told me as usual, the hitting and scoldings etc. What happened the nite before was that she went for an impromptu bbq with her frens. Every wed she has dinner out. Told her mum that she'll be back late and ended up at home only at 12am. So i told her, she's just worried and thus began to reprimand her. anyway, it's her fault that she's back late. It's a working day anyway. Here's the best part: since her mum is so riled up, she told her to pack up her room, which is in a big mess cos she dun sleep in there anymore (no air con). She told mil, since she can go out, chit chat till so late, sure got energy left to clean her room. And then her dad came in, hit her on her head (with what i dunno) and told her if she has the capability, leave. no one will miss her. So she packed her room till 5am this morning. Quite a messy room huh? She told me, it did cross her mind to just pack up and leave.

Her mum started saying that she didn't want her to mix with her frens anymore and thinks that her daughter is out to look for another bf after Cal. Basically my aunt hates her sec sch frens. They are the 'bad' company. And since her sch days, she was left out in their grp becos they stop calling her out anymore. Anyway, she can't go out. No wonder she has no frens. and i thought we made our best frens in sec sch. My heart aches when i think of wat she goes thru. True, maybe she is a difficult child. She did give her mum hard times in the past. All becos? All becos my aunt gave a harsh boundary and tried to protect her from bigger mistakes. i dunno, is it something that change as we grow up? is that healthy? is protection helping or destroying?

home is really not home for her. who goes home to quarrels, black faces and silence? She even said, she knows her mum gives her material stuff yet all she hoped for is her mum could be gentler and cared more. who will know all these? who will care actually? i feel so burdened yet there is only so much i can do. I can only push her for her dreams, help her focus on her dreams. for a large part of my growing years, i have to live so that my aunt will not say, "hey make sure she dun follow ur steps" I dun like my aunt, yet becos she is family, a relative we all have to be civil. which aunt of urs goes thru ur bag and room? that's just plain rude.

my mum never gave me much boundaries, is tt why i turned out the way i m? LOL but i m okay right? Of course, somethings in my life are not right!. is tt very bad? is there only so much society can take? before they start berating you with values and conscience? I still respect and love my mum. becos i know she respect and loves me. i asked a fren whether she will raise her child as like this, with boundaries. She said she mite. She said her mum did and she thinks it's best. But of cos, i m not a parent, i still think like a daughter. But even a mother is someone's daughter.

Found this email and felt i have to let it out. There's still more to it but think this is enough, for now. I am not ready to tackle the other issue yet... I hope this person knows how i feel about her. Should you ever feel unloved, pls know that you have me.

im just glad i have a sister to love n dote on me, a brother to give my advices.
they are like my siblings though we're cousins. shared laughers n sorrows together.
keeping secrets for one another. n the first to noe all things. they are ppl i turn to
when i need help. when im desperate for answers. when im lost. they pull me
back to the right track. they make me laugh n be there for me when im down.
i just love them like my bro n sis.
at least when i dun feel loved by my parents or sumtimes even bf, i noe my cousins
stil love me. =)

ok i've been tagged by tracy to list down 5 things i love and 5 things i hate abt my partner.
(could be your Husband/Wife,Boyfriend/Girlfriend or even someone you admire!)

5 things i love abt him:
1. his love for music.
2. sweet, loving, caring, understanding.
3. his beautiful smile.
4. his long eye lashes (i want!)
5. his culinary skills (yummy!)

5 things i hate abt him:
1. his impatienceness. (usually when hes tired)
2. always complainin hes fat when hes nt.
3. when he acts retarded with caleb n paul. (i duno where to hide my face)
4. when he plays cs he usually tok lesser to me. (makes me bored)
5. when he says 'anything'

i have a hard time writing out things i hate abt him. when u love a person,
u tend to love his bad things as well. *smacks head* hee

hmm. im suppose to list 8 ppl to do wad i did above n pass it on to another 8 ppl.
well here goes...
dawn tan, donald, may may, iskandar, marcus, sarah tan (rah), davier, chelle

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?

You're My Little Pony!! Sweet and innocent and
happy, you make people want to spew burrito
chunks. Even a Care Bear could kick your ass.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

quizzes

You scored as Diesel. Diesel 100% Gucci 100% Burberry 92% Dior 83% Anna Sui 75% DKNY 67% Chanel 67% Abercrombie & Fitch 58% Tommy Hilfiger 42% Louis Vuitton 25% What Designer Brand Are You? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as New fashion style (or atleast something new). There is gonna be a huge change for ya in 2006. Maybe not even a that huge but still huge for U!! Anyway something will change and be like comletely different maybe like ur hair or ur style, ur friends ur gf/bf... New fashion style (or atleast something new) 90% Love.... 70% Friends!!! 70% What will 2006 bring you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Kirsten. You are a perfectionist. Be weary of being too rigid and limiting your openness to varied experiences. Neat freaks are just as irrational as slobs. A half messy person is, in fact, the ideal. Optimal evolution (according to the research) is dependent on a sufficient amount of random variation and being overly regimented inhibits variation. Kirsten 72% Oliver 67% Anna 67% Marissa 61% Seth 55% Julie 55% Sandy 50% Luke 50% Hailey 39% Jimmy 39% Caleb 33% Summer 28% Ryan 22% What OC character are you? created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Read a book. Why don't you get lost in a book? Snuggle up somewhere warm and comfy and read one of your favourites that you haven't picked up for a while. Ideal if you're having trouble getting to sleep! Read a boo 96% Sleeping/Resting 92% Watching film/video/tv 75% Go for a walk 67% Homework/Paperwork/Revising 67% Play a board game 38% Tidy up! 38% Have some lunch 38% Go out somewhere with mates 38% What should I be doing right now, instead of doing pointless quizzes on the internet?.... created with QuizFarm.com

endless questions

how long will this last?
falling into bed,
endless of tears.
trying my best to avoid slping,
juz so im too tired to cry.
show im watching every night
might be a touching show.
but tears juz wun flow until i go to bed.
i feel so tired.
so moody.
depressed.
end my misery.

i juz wanna be happy.
y cant i get such a simple thing?
y is being happy so hard?
where hav that cheerful smile gone to?
where hav my appetite gone to?
how much more weight am i goin to lose?
y is stress overwhelming me?

2006 !~

its a brand new year! yippies! 2006 is here. i hereby wish all of u a
BERI HAPPY NEW YEAR! well its nt 12am yet. so i can stil wish u guys.
2005 haven been much of a great yr i would say but life isnt always
smooth sailing, right? i've had happy times too.
so how did everyone celebrated the new year? for me, i went esplanade.
wendi koh performed. i tell u shes juz a great SINGER! shoo to singapore
idol. haa. shes great on stage too. it was juz lovely. fireworks was 'WOW!'
no doubt abt it. i teared watchin the fireworks. was touched by i duno wad.
it juz totally spectacular! as i teared, my jaw juz dropped n stared
into the colourful skies like an innocent kid. well after tt the human traffic
was terrible though. heh.
i hope 2006 would be better for me though. im graduating in a few
months time. n i hope i get a gd job. stil hoping to be a wedding planner.
shall put that in god's hands. i hope that this yr i will draw closer to god
once again. i've been pulling away frm god for two long years. its time
i do sth abt it.
start of 2006 or rather end of 2005 wasnt great. many things hav happened
to me. i shall nt tok abt it. ppl who noe shall noe n ppl who dun its better nt to noe.
sum things r better left unsaid. my grandma fell down on sat.
shes in hospital now as the doc thinks its safer for her to
stay for two days for further observation. pray that she'll be fine.
for myself, i hope for better days with my darling of coz. n pray tt we will
have many great yrs together! teehee. i hope to get my FYP done soon.
pls pray that things will go smoothly for my FYP. i noe its all in god's hands.
for my darling, i pray that he will have inspirations to write more beautiful
songs. army wise, its one and a half yr more for him. lets hope all things
will go well.
its a new year. i only wish for new things. wadeva unhappiness, lets juz put them
behind. may all my lovely frens have a great yr too! love all of u.