broken smile in the tainted heart of spring

click here for the rest of the pics...

my rest in my corner

this is a stupid blog of a stupid person in a stupid life of a stupid world.

i'd rather be lost in my own world n hide in a corner away frm the rest.

im nt ur rubbish dump

broken i am in a troubled mind.
lost i am in the chaos i see.

a 'great' weekend i see ahead.
sarcastic i am in total vomit of anger.

thanks...
i duno wad im tokin abt anymore...blank mind...

lil drummer boy

*click photo for ALBUM.
thats my ROCKER boy, davy! hee...n of coz cute lil deborah gal. this pic was
taken today! hee...helped him changed into his outfit for the filmin at mediacorp.
heh...n of coz i stay at home with deborah gal. i swear i love her cuteness...
cant stop loving them. n im really proud of them too.

(i look kinda pale in the pics. i wonder y...) lol...falling sick i guess tts y.
way to go davy! do ur best! SMILE that lovely smile. hee

-a blue entry for the boy...coz he loves blue! JUZ LIKE ME!- =)

wad my heart noes...

three cheers to another day passed...hehhee...im so happy with my purchases today!
chinatown ROCKS!

im so glad i smsed ser in the morning..coz she actually FORGOT abt today! haa
anyhows, i took bus to town to meet elaine to give her my opinions on davy's clothes for
the filming tmr. he look COOL! hee. shall show u a pic of him another day. my cool
drummer boy! hee. oh man, i feel like a proud mummy. hehe...after buying the
clothes, i took a bus to chinatown to meet ser...then we went for lunch at ppl's park...
then went to shop upstairs..oh man...so many NICE NICE NICE stuffs. i was close to buying
the whole of that place. hahahhahahaha..juz kidding.
well, both of us gt BROKE after tt place so decided to leave. so i went back with her...while
she change n then we left...n i went home....

i din go print the welcome cards for kat today...oops...shawn darling said he'll go with me
on thurs...okie...i'll promise i go sch with u after tt...regardless if i gt things to show or nt.
=) worst come to worst juz let james na say me...

was tokin to sishi on msn juz now...n i suddenly tot of all my frens...i miss all of u.
i miss sheryl, michelle, davier, hilmi, may, nette, charl, sishi, helen, sarah, tracy, paul,
shawn low, shawn soh n cal. i miss my cousin marvin too. n of coz n definitely the most...
I MISS DANIEL! sobz...i wish fri come sooner. if only i wake up n its fri. y is it when its
nearer, its more torturous. *pout*

4 more days!

monday has PASSED! 4 more days! YAYNESS...seriously cant wait..hehehhee..
its off to chinatown tmr with ser! hee...im goin to buy buy buy...nah...juz a earring...
lol..n mayb sum materials to makes stuffs..CONTROL! i need to control...hahaha

wed...im goin babysit deb darling. hee...davy boy gt filming! hee...as for thurs....
no plans yet in the day..but evening gonna recee SAC...the concert site...im really
hoping to see my dear frens there...pls go okies? hee...i mean for the concert on 1st july.

gotta get the banner done this sunday...i duno if im excited abt doin the banner...hahaha..
felt like i've taken up extra stress..but im glad wanyi helped me to draft out an idea..
which is gd. hee...lighten my load. thanks sweets.

oki...i gtg bathe n probably slp. or do sum work...wonders if baby's gonna call/sms today.
poor boy lost his voice. hope he get well soon...i love my super dan! hee...

(juz when i typed i wonder if hes gonna call/sms, he called!) hahaha..yayness..gd nite baby.

friday reaching at 545pm!!! yay yay!


my cool 'bf'...hahaha....

misses....& misses

im so slpy now...'bf' asking me to do my fyp...YES OKI! nt now.
but come n think of it...im startin to question myself...then when?
sigh. i noe i noe. i've been really avoiding fyp. im tired. im stressed.
i really am close to giving up. y everytime i think of fyp i get terrible
headaches. ITS NT EXCUSES okie. its true. slping pills r of gd use for
'thinkin of proj causing headaches that makes me hard to slp' scenerio.
hmmm.....

i had the best meal of my week today. crystal jade with 'bf'. hehe. so nice...
yummy fried wanton n plain noodles soup...yum. spent quite alot on it but
its all worth it. ok...now im broke..! MUMMY! i need money! hahaa...

went to church for prac after tt...which i was VERY late for...heh...but it
ended in an hr...so...yeah...wadeva. din hav anywhere to go after...so
smsed mummy asking where she is. so yeah i met up with her at west mall...
she juz finished work...poor mum. it was already 7pm! n its a freaking saturday.
the kid's bday but poor mummy gonna look after ALL the kids who went for the
party...how ironic. guess mummy was really tired out...bought bro's godpa's
bday present then shopped a little. mum bought me two spag tops frm bossini...
love them. heh. OH n mummy said she'll lend me money to buy my neckerman's
slippers first!!! YAY! im so happy! i can get my fav slippers! shall pay her back once
i get my freelance proj's money. *wonders when.......

im missing my darling alot....one more week to go...i cant wait for this coming fri!!
shall go airport to fetch them back! haha....

n im missing sumone else too...a fren who i gt to noe coz of cal. haa...a great fren
to treasure n hug so real tight that he cant leave me definitely. muahhaha....
miss him terribly...haven seen him since cal left tekong...tts SO LONg...*pout*
do u miss me too, my macho, sweet, funny n handsome dear fren? =)
i miss u so much!!! n i stil rem wad i owe u...hehheheheehhee......wad a huge debt.

pouring my hearts out

i cant believe myself...darling called...n i actually freaking did nt sound
overjoyed or happy...i was on the verge of cryin. i was so freaking moody.
i juz wished he was near. i juz wished he could tok longer. i wanna say my heart
out...but i cant. its nt tt im nt happy to hear his voice, im juz too moody n upset
n stressed up tt i cant sound happy. im sorry baby.

i cried. fyp is juz too much stress to take. im so tired. im so TIRED!
i juz wish time could stop. i dun wanna go sch. i dun wanna tok to james na.
i dun wanna see him. i dun wanna get two hammers banging on both side of my
brains.
i wan peace.

baby says: 'i'll be home soon baby'
i say: 'yeah...another week to go'

how the hell am i gonna get pass august!? im beginning to wonder.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i may get jamie cullum's concert tickets tmr. 150 dollars tickets.
all thanks to my buddy! shall see how tmr. pray hard mayb i'll really get.
i hope so. n if i get, shawn's goin with me! great company. can always
cheer me up best.

goin to the airport tmr arvo. i need peace n quietness.

Stir - Masquerade

loving u each sec of my life

my baby MADE my day by calling juz now! im so happy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im high..im overjoyed. hee....so glad to hear his voice.
im sure he can hear my joy the moment i picked up...hahaha...

my day was pretty boring i will say...woke up at 1pm...then came online till 3pm..
then went to marv's place to collect my bag of things which i left there on sunday.
had my lunch cum dinner there...juz a bowl of soup with chicken inside..no rice,
nothing..pretty much stil havin bad appetite...so explains y i ate so little a day.
darling's gonna flip if he noes how little i ate today..heh.

goin to sentosa with sishi n hoining tmr! im so excited. been awhile...but i cant wait
for darling to come back. n we can go there together as he said he wan to. hee...
im so lookin forward to hearing his voice again...n seeing him...n hug him...n kiss him.
hehhe...

i love u darling!! *muacks

byebye TURTers...

dan juz left for thailand with the TURTers this morning...was tryin so damn
freaking hard to control my tears. esp when baby is nt even anywhere near me
the whole time...we said less than a sentence n he went in. terribly upset...but
i din wanna cry when the other staffs r ard. controlled all the way to kat's car...
n i finally teared on our way to church which i was totally in no mood to go...

i nv had a sunday as bad as today. it was so boring...i had nothing to do at all...
no one to go out with till night...sigh. so i went with wayne and a few others to
millenia walk to support davy boy who joined the 'ONE min of Fame'. he gt
the liking of many audience! im so happy for him...n he gt into the semi finals!!!
out of the many!! he was in the ten who were chosen! my talented boy! hee....

coincidentally, i saw cal with pris there...standing in the mist of the crowd. they
left nt long after...i brought little deborah for a walk at candy empire where she
totally had so much fun at... =) n once again i met them two there...

i spend my whole day watchin the one min of fame...which kinda gt boring with
lotsa hip hop dance n singing...zzzz...had dinner with elaine n family then they
drop me off at bishan where i head home...

my eyes r infected i think...it hurts really bad..i cant really open my eyes for long
now...sigh. im afraid to go see a doc...dun wanna let mum noe...i really wish baby is
here to go with me...which he wanted to before he left...but that day's plans were kinda
changed last min so i din see a doc. nv did i expect it to get worst now...sigh. juz hope n
pray i dun go blind...i can barely open my eyes now...guess i should bathe n slp..

im hoping the TURTers r had fun at their first concert juz now. =) do keep them in ur
prayers...miss all u guys!

dan pls call me if by any chance u reading this. im seriously missin u like crazy...
n its juz the freaking first day...SIGH

my pillar of support.

moody mildred...n her secure shoulders of support!
i love u baby!

i duno wad to blog abt...though i wanna blog...im juz thankful for
dan for being there for me. though nt physically there but i noe
hes always there prayin for me, hes there in my heart n goin thru
all shit im goin thru with me.
i wanna be ur best fren n ur gf..i wanna be sumone you can tok
ur heart out with...n im tryin to be one with u. i wanna be ur shoulder
to lean on when u're tired juz like u r for me.

baby..u mean alot to me. dun ever doubt that okies?
i will try n accept things bet us. i wanna make things work too. =)

lost it all

its amazing how the grad book is! haha...juz gt a call frm a graphic company...
gt a post as a junior designer...but sadly...i cant accept the job as i am stil studying.
its a full time job...sigh...how sad.

oh well..sad but wad can i do.

im so tired of many things happening ard me...i feel like giving many things up...
including myself. i juz wish to end it all...felt like my faith is getting lower again. n
thats so nt gd. im losing faith. im losin confidence...im losing my sanity. i've lost it allll....

a really fast short post

hmmm..juz writin this post real fast...u wun be hearing much frm me
probably for the next week n maybe longer...i duno...due to sum family
issues..sum idiot juz wanna be an ass...wadeva...
shall nt go into details...

well, wun be home the next week too! hee...love all of u! n u noe how to
find me when u need....muackz.

i find this interesting! heeee

Instructions: Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. don't read the questions before you write, and tag 5 pple to do this survey.
1. dan
2. nette
3. calvin
4. tracy
5. sarah tan
6. chelle
7. donald
8. davier
9. shawn
10. sarah lim
11. marvin
12. karen
13. dawnst
14. charl
15. paul
16. boon chong
17. helen
18. sishi
19. fred
20. may
How did you meet 14? [charl] when i first went to my church in pri 6.
What would you do if you never met 1? [dan] errrrr......i cant imagine life without him now....!
What would you do if 20 and 9 dated? [may & shawn] hahaha...totally impossible! i will FAINT!
Did you ever like 19? [fred] LOL...my bf in secondary sec...so ans is yes...
Would 6 and 17 make a good couple? [chelle & helen] it wld mean they r les!
Describe 3. [calvin] hmmm...lets juz say hes nice if he wants to be...but...he gets EMO very easily.
Do you think 8 is attractive? [davier] definitely he is in his own way! hes my darling davier...
Tell me something about 7. [donald] hes happily attached.
Do you know any of 12's family? [karen] shes my cousin....DUH!
What's 8's favourite? [davier] his cameras...lol
What would you do if 11 confesses that he/she likes you? [marvin] i will faint...coz hes my cousin!
What language does 15 speak? [paul] english n mandarin....mayb tamil but totally anyhow whack kind...lol!
Who is 9 going out with? [shawn] currently none...but he will be my husband if we're both single at 35! hahahahhaha....
How old is 16 now? [boon chong] errrr...im nt sure...lol!
When was the last time you talked to 13? [dawnst] erm juz now...coz she asked me sth...
Who's 2 favourite band/singer? [nette] erm....no favourites i think...nice song can already...lol...i duno!
Would you date 4? [tracy] im straight....get the ans?
Would you date 7? [donald] mayb? hehehe
Is 15 single? [paul] lol...i think so...
What's 10's last name? [sarah lim] obvious right?
Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11? [marvin] i wun even be with him! wad serious r/s? hes my cousin, my kor for gdness sake!
What school does 3 go to? [calvin] he's in army...
Where does 6 live? [chelle] pasir ris
What's your favourite thing about 5? [sarah tan] shes really sweet! i love her! hee.

5 pple to do this...
dan my darling, calvin, sarah tan, chelle, may....tracy n paul go do it too!
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im crazy abt getting abs now...i wan a beautifully tanned n toned body! yay!
nice figure i wan! i wan!
i need the determination to do crunches n sit ups everyday! DETERMINATION!
i wanna jog too! exercise! sentosa to tan anyone?

cal...dun u think i sound like u now? hahahhahaha....i wan a six pack too.
hahahhahaa...!

weddings...lovely weddings

after watching the channel u show juz now....the surprise wedding by the sea
for an actress! gdness. i seriously LOVED it...its so touching n its like my
dream wedding...

a sea, outdoor wedding...with close frens singing for the wedding couple...
wedding photos taken on a ship with the beautiful sunset as the background..
juz a few close frens n direct family attending the wedding...frens n family wearing
sth beachy...nt too formal...me in a simple white gown...a simple wedding,
great blessings frm frens...AHHH!!

i really love weddings...i love seeing ppl's dream come true...to see a couple
blissfully bond together as one...awww...my ambition: be a wedding planner!