a day im seen myself

its a sat! for today, i decided to spend my day with my cousins!
actually tot of goin out n we can hang ard n tok n hav fun. haha.
but karen tot of sth better. cook! haha. yummy chicken salad, potato salad,
spag and gula melaka!!!! i cant wait. haa. im gettin hungry tokin abt it though
i juz had my lunch. haha. daddy made noodles which is damn nice too.
my feast day man. hahaha.

i juz finish doin housework. hahas. kinda hav dry hands n achin back now.
sigh. feel like im gettin old. my body seems older den my age.
my feet n hands r kinda wrinkled. goodness. hahas.

im here wasting time waitin for karen n my aunt to finish buyin stuffs.
mayb they can come fetch me to their hse. haha. dar dar has plans for
tonight as well. hes goin dinner to celebrate his daddy's belated bday.
uncle seems busy all the time. i hope dar dar wun be as busy if he gets into
air force. hahaha.

yeah! its overnight at karen's place tonight again. i realise i hav been stayin
overnight there alot nowadays. haha. the only place i can stay overnight at.

let me share a webbie with u guys. its quite stupid. but fun if u're bored.
http://www.subservientchicken.com

im sorry.

i duno wads wrong with me.
i feel like im being really paranoid these few days.
i tink so much. i feel like my brains goin to burst.
im so sorry abt wad happen dear.
i juz hope u understand.
im fearful of things that i hear.
i noe its nt true but im juz afraid.
of wad i duno.
i feel really confused in me.
i stil feel the hurt in me.

i noe its over. but im juz afraid.
mayb i deserve to be scolded by u today.
im sorry.
i juz wanna be happy but y is it that im stil so afraid of everything?
i wish i can forget the hurt.
its haunting me.
dear sorry. i hope im forgiven.

masked.

im livin in a world of deception.
wads shown in front may nt be the truth.
what lies beneath is.
wad is the truth n wad r lies.
can u tell the difference?
when one is unhappy can u sense it?
when one is feelin loved do u noe?
when one is feelin lonely can u tell?
is one feelin sad when she cries?
is she really happy when she smiles?
who can really know?
no one but herself.

my tots.

im stil depressed abt the SIP. it really sucks.
esp when ur dad starts sayin its nothing. n workin life's like that.
mayb its true. but i guess it stil hurts. nvm

well, my precious sweetheart is back by my side. really lovely to hav him again.
hes stil as sweet as usual. =)
takin things slowly. im hopin things wil last. but i duno.
mayb i hav no faith in myself sumtimes. i dun wanna lose him again.
but i noe its nt up to me. im juz lettin things go.
lettin it be. wadeva comes. take it. i guess i've learn to take things
easier. tryin my best nt to tink too much into everything.

well, tmr's my hols!! one day. sigh. nvm better than nothing.
goin for a tan at the pool. haha. den watchin starwars in the evenin i guess.
nt sure yet. we'll see. i hope i get black nt red!!!

almost over i guess.

firstly the day i've been lookin forward for is almost here.
they r on the plane now. will reach back by 6am!! yea.
im goin to wake up at 6 to sms him or mayb call him.
i miss him so much. n im so happy n surprise to get a msg frm him
this afternoon. really wonder how he sms me. hee. thanks dear.

ok now to the sad stuffs. this evenin juz before i left the office after
typin the hand over list, sheldon ask if we wanna see the design of V mag.
guess wad we saw. a total different design frm wad we hav done.
they change the whole mag frm top to toe. i really felt like i've wasted
two months of my time doin this mag for valuair. havin to do OT, rushin things like
mad, being scolded to get things done faster, editing things over n over again.
everything has gone to waste. to tink that mayb our portfolio wil be so nice
at the end of SIP, to hav the valuair mag inside. but.....now that everything
is changed in their hands its of no use even if we hav a copy of the mag.
Valuair u really suck. to make us do so many changes juz to make u happy with it,
n u let ur design team change it all. frm wad we hav done???? wad can be worse.
y waste our time to change if u din like it in the first place. if u were goin to let ur
design team to change everything. and juz coz ur CEO resign???
sigh. i duno wad to say anymore. but im juz dissapointed. angry.

anyway, met up with aunty beng beng for dinner today. really nice tokin to her.
oh reg was there as well. i was surprised she ask me to go at first.
i tot was reg who ask me go along. but anyway, we were tokin abt god, how we should
stil hav gal frens though attached, we toked abt so many things.
she did ask abt wad happen bet me n cal, well i told her we takin a break.
i juz love cal's side of the family. the encourages they giv, advice they giv are really
juz great. i reach hme only at 12. quite late for me. heh. but i had fun.
thanks aunty beng beng for the answers u gav.

ok for now. im goin to rest. my mind needs to rest. my body as well.
im really fallin sick. sigh. half a day more at inspire n im gone. its over.
n im meetin cal after that. cant wait. juz wanna giv him a big welcome hug.
but i hav worship prac at 4 so dun really hav alot of time.
unless he wanna meet me for dinner. which of coz im most glad.
my sat's left for him. oh n sun too! =)
i juz left it for him but if he cant its ok. i can find last min plans.

germs in the office.

sigh. everyone's fallin sick.
and guess wad. i am too!
im wearin two freakin jackets now and im stil shivering!!!!
i feel like im in winterland. help!

life's too short for regrets

well attended a fren's funeral today. though i dun really noe this man,
but i look up to him. a really god lovin man. i rem he contacted me to join the
crusade outin before i went poly. he tot i was a guy tts y he called me.
he was down with leukemia last yr if im nt wrong. i tot the last time i saw him
like few months ago he looked ok to me. but....i din noe his condition worsen.
n he passed away this mornin. winnie looked strong to me. she stil could speak
abt him during the service. i tink if i was her i cant. i guess if u see it in a different way,
he need nt suffer anymore. he has gone to be with the lord. seein so many ppl at the funeral,
it makes me wonder. who wil be at my funeral one day if i pass away. ever tot of tat question?

well, he called me few hrs ago. was so happy to hear his voice. i was almost jumpin for
joy. told him briefly abt stuffs tts been happenin these two days. cant tok too long,
coz either one of our fones wil go no money. haaa. but im juz happy enough to hear his voice.

many r fallin sick. hope i dun catch the sickness. i cant wait for SIP to end. quick end!
juz 3 and half days left. ren.

how normal.

You Are 60% Normal (Really Normal)

Otherwise known as the normal amount of normal You're like most people most of the time But you've got those quirks that make you endearing You're unique, yes... but not frighteningly so!

How Normal Are You?

stupid inspire

damn inspire. sheldon juz send me a warnin letter today.
freakin irritating. first warnin: no msn at work. (fine!)
second warning: no slpin or nappin at work. if unwell, let him noe.
( thoot! isnt it very obvious sumone gt a headache if shes restin her head
with hand massagin forehead? )
wheres ur brains? or eyes? in ur ass!?
shouted at marie today. coz she start pushin blames to me that she ask me
do changes to body sutra ad. but!!! she nv even say anything or send it
to the company to approve! mix up two different ads. stil dare to say me so loud.
tink i keep quiet all the time means i wun flare is it?
they were all shocked to hear me shouting. muz u make me so pissed? kns.
n sheldon! u always say i do finish my work so fast u hav no more work for me
n wads u n ur stupid f***in warnin letter? asshole! i hate u.
i cant wait to leave this torture. 4 n a half days more! like dear say muz ren!

miss him so much. its juz a day. reg miss sumone too. sigh. we're both sad.
feelin that the days r passin so slow. wonderin how we can survive the church
camp. sigh. i feel like a dumb ass. i missed 4 of his calls this afternoon!
after that i juz cant contact him le. so sad. guys, call us gals. we miss u guys!

missing u.

he juz left for china. i rem how i use to kick a big fuss abt him goin.
but now i juz look forward to see him when he comes back.
i guess my thinkin of wad i wan in a relationship has changed.
i wil say i stil felt abit sad when i see him go in.
tears were close to flowin but i felt embrassed. ppl wil go like "wad the hell
is wrong with mil!" hahas. its juz a week. i guess i can get over it.
hee. reg, we'll pull thru! lets look forward to sat together.
i cant fetch him as i'll be workin. n they wil be back early in
the morn! but i'll meet him at his place after work. =)

i duno y this afternoon when we were alone at his place, when we were juz tryin
to get sum slp. i juz started cryin real bad. he ask y wad happen. i juz said sorry.
n i really miss him. his usual comforting self nv fails to calm me down.

at the airport i was really in a awkward position. i nv go tok to mich.
im sorry. but i hope u understand. i juz cant see sumone in the eye.
i duno how to do so. im sorry if i was a little antisocial to u guys. but i juz din wanna
go over n tok for a reason. though i really much wan to. at least cal move to n fro to tok.
at least i wasnt so lonely i stil hav reg.

oh wells. its time to go dreamland soon. gd nite.

how sinful i am

Your Deadly Sins
Sloth: 60%
Envy: 20%
Gluttony: 20%
Pride: 20%
Greed: 0%
Lust: 0%
Wrath: 0%
Chance You'll Go to Hell: 17%
You will die with your hand down your underwear, watching Star Trek.

a smile on my face

things happen for a reason. learn is the word.
im thankful for sum things that had happened
the past few days. its so nice to know. i duno wad else to do but smile.
haas.

ok yday's bbq with frens was fun. hee. haven met them for so long.
at first was stil abit uncomfortable. but it gt better.
as we tok abt things that hav been happening in our lives.
gd n bad. den we started to ask stupid questions n everyone take turns to
answer. haa. question like: " who is the person that u really love alot alot? "
i was like its quite obvious right? haha. u noe who u r. me n my sec sch ex was like
suanned badly la. i mean worse for him. haas. for him the first was me.
den when i say another person as first coz duh. everyone was like " oi u dun so sad la. "
to him. hahas. i was his first love. explains y he treasure me so much.
til now i gt special treatment but only coz we hav memories. nothing more.
like i say to all of them, its nt possible for me n him to ever get back together la.

ok. yday night was a bad one. i slpt at 5. things happen at hme. ppl who noe wil understand
wad i tokin abt. im tired now. goin bathe n slp.

oh ya. i had fun today! thanks!
taas.

another day hav pass.

juz another normal day. woke up late. late for work.
bad mood the whole day. tired, pissed n unhappy.

tmr goin bbq at fren's place. oh wells.
haven meet them for quite awhile.
though nt really into bbq but im juz goin to hav a little fun.
n oso keep my mind off things. heh.

really happy we're back in tokin terms.
tot u'll nv ok to me nicely ever again.
but im happy now.

muz be wonderin i hav work tmr n wad the hell i stil doin here. haha.
i hav my reason. hee. anyway, gd nite. n tatas. juz hanging ard
for awhile more den i'll head to bed. hehe.

skin disease

im scratchin all over like as if i hav sum skin disease.
its damn itchy. i cant help but scratch n scratch.
tink my skin's goin tear any moment man. hahas.
at the rate im scratching, my skin gone all red with marks.

roller coaster

my stomach's like a roller coaster. help!!!
ever since lunch it has been twirlin n twirlin badly.
its so uncomfortable.

movin on.

i've finally made up my mind to go for the church camp.
tot its really time for me to renew this faith of mine.
i was stil decidin yday. calling ppl askin wad they tink.
well, in the end its really up to me. like wad mummy say.
hee. i noe im goin to be yr 3 already. its goin to be tough.
but i juz hope god wil bring me thru the skipped lessons.
well, wil be leavin on a sun. goin earlier together with the worship team.
i cant rem the dates. coz at first i din wanna go. kinda made up my mind.
but situation is different already. so i guess tts y i reconsider.

hmm. today was fun. met up with sheryl after 2 yrs!
shes stil my best fren. so sweet n nice tokin to her.
though its been two yrs, we r juz as close.
we sat at TCC in millenia for hrs juz chatting.
abt the gd times we had with our loved one.
its such precious memories that we keep deep in.
but we're both movin on with our lives.
juz being happy every single moment we hav.
of coz its hard to forget the person we love,
who says it was easy. but its god's plan. theres sumone out
there thats meant for us.

i believe theres no such thing as a better person.
everybody has their own flaws.
i do hope ppl stop callin her names. i do wish ppl stop blamin him as well.
i nv blame him for anything. he has left with me memories i wil nv forget.
and thats gd enough. we're stil frens tts enough. wads over is over.
whoever is doin those stupid stuffs, pls juz stop it.
u're juz being childish. theres really no point at all.

mend my broken heart

my heart's broken into pieces yday. felt like its crushed.
the dreamland of ours is gone. the land where we dream to be
is nt both of our goals anymore. its juz mine alone now.
mayb im stil living in this dreamland of ours where my prince
is gone. i dun really noe how im feelin. i feel mixed up. my feelings
r totally mixed up. i wanna cry but at the same time i wanna
be strong.

i juz dun wanna break down again. i dun wanna see my frens
who stood by me to get irritated hearin me cry so much.

god. wads ur plan for me? can u pls tel me?
god pls heal this broken little heart of mine.
is he nt the one for me? pls tel me wad to do next. im lost.

sick

i feel like vomiting everything i hav ate.
though its juz quarter plate of spag and sum water chestnuts.
nothing else the whole day. those i ate was juz my dinner.
but theres this feelin of wantin to puke.
wads wrong with me.
my stomach's oso acting crazy on me.
its been makin me LS so many times today.
my appetite is really bad. everyday only eat dinner.
i juz cant stuff any food into my throat.
everytime i try to eat, i wanna vomit after a little.
i've only been eatin alot of sweets. n drinkin alot of water.
i guess in a way i lost weight. since tts wad everybody complains abt now.

i'd rather

"I'd Rather"

I thought sometime alone

was what we really needed

you said this time would hurt more than it helps

but I couldn't see that

I thought it was the end

of a beautiful story

and so I left the one I loved at home to be alone (alone)

and I tried to find out if this one thing is true

that I'm nothing without you

I know better now

and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else

I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself

I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

whoo-oo-oo-oo yeah

And then I met someone

and thought she could replace you

we got along just fine

we wasted time because she was not you

we had a lot of fun

though we knew we were faking

love was not impressed with our connection they were all lies, all lies

so I'm here cause I found this one thing is true

that I'm nothing without you

I know better now

and I've had a change of heart

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else

I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself

I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

who holds my heart

I can't blame you if you turn away from me, like I've done you,

I can only prove the things I say with time,

please be mine,

I'd rather have bad times with (please be mine) you,

than good times with someone else (I know)

I'd rather be beside you in a storm (anytime),

than safe and warm by myself (so sure baby)

I'd rather have hard times together,

than to have it easy apart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart (my heart)

I'd rather have bad times with you (surely),

than good times with someone else (surely)

I'd rather be beside you in a storm (oh yeah),

than safe and warm by myself (all by myself)

I'd rather have hard times together,

than to have it easy apart (you know it)

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

I'd rather have the one who holds my heart

whoooo.....who holds my heart

by LUTHER VANDROSS

me.

when wil i fall. juz let me fall!
let my heart be numb n mind be gone.
i cant take it anymore.

i finally shut down

mayb tts juz wad god wants.
painful but i wait for the future.
look high up the skies.
scream my hearts out till its all out.
its time i move on.
i haven given up on us. i nv wil.
im juz movin on.
i dun wanna feel so painful anymore.
im so dry n weak.
i almost felt like fainting.
auntie thinks im strong. mayb i am.
but i hav turn weak from a broken heart.
i need a super glue to stick them back.
mayb it may be u to mend my broken heart again.
mayb its juz sumone else.
god noes i dun. god i trust u.
though many times i doubt.
im sorry i only turn to u when i truly find my life in a total mess.
a mess i duno how to clean up myself.
though i tink hes the one for me.
perhaps god tink otherwise.
i duno. i'll try to accept all that comes.
god pls give me strength to pass each day till the day i hear frm him again.
an answer to my future.
i'll be faithful to u til the day u end this totally.
im stil urs. im stil calvin's gf.
like i've said to u before. my heart belongs to u n u alone.
it wun be able to stuff another one till u take u away frm my heart.
as long as i dun get an answer i'll nv throw u out of my heart to
let another enter.

i slp my tears away. perhaps its dry by now anyway.
stil i say this. like i do every night.
i love u so much. good night.
bye.

sorry

im truly sorry. i hope for ur forgiveness.
pls forgive me this once more.
pls dun leave me pls.
readin wad u say in ur blog really make me
feel so afraid. the fear of losin one guy i truly truly love.
sorry dear.

my mind

well many things hav happened this few days. things that i tot wun happen.
mayb this throughly makes me think alot. guess i learn things the hard way.
many ppl gav me encouragements. but i guess the ppl i truly thank are my
mum and sam. mayb wad they hav said to me really let me noe that im nt
understanding enough, n this timeout wil allow both of us to tink things thru.
but im nt sure if its too late for regrets. but of coz i hope for the better. like
sam said a time out for us wil make this relationship stronger. but of coz it
may go the other way which is the bad way. im nt mentally prepared.
but one thing i noe is i'll accept wadeva that comes. i guess i realise that my life
is all abt him. perhaps thats one thing i nv tot i was. but only come to realise
when my life suddenly became empty without him. i was lost.
im nt sure how long this timeout wil be. hopefully he wil start to tok after a week?
it depends. time may be tough to pass. but im sure i can pass through them.
i'll be strong. n await the day he comes back. i trust he wil. n if he does, all i wanna say is.
sorry n im truly goin to change. i hope its nt too late to realise all this now.
i hope this relationship wil be worth a second chance.