i totally duno wad to do. feel lost. feel retarded. feel lonely. im juz nt me anymore.
yday is a freakin bad bad day. i totally hate it!! nt enjoyin myself at all. went out with mum, bro n mum's fren. tt stupid naughty boy of mine juz pisses me off. he is juz plain naughty to the core. runnin ard. so izzit my freakin fault tt i beat him real hard? so am i suppose to let him juz snatch my glasses? juz coz hes the youngest? y is everyone freakin pamperin him? i dun rem havin such a gd life when im young. all i rem is tt i gt beaten like i aint human. i get scolded for nothin all the time. scolded coz of bro. i feel like im livin here to let them scold for everything.
dar dar is leavin for malaysia next weekend. im ultimate sian. coz weekend! its the time i spend time with him! bt i cant. i totally duno wad to do. follow YAs, parents or go out alone? i hate all. bt i hav no choice bt to choose. i noe dar wil feel worse when i go off to thailand for 9 days. bt den. i feel tt its different. coz he hav ppl tt he can stil go out with. at least the options are better den mine. i duno. mayb its stil nt gd. i wil miss him when im there too rite? im pretty sure i wun be enjoyin myself there either. with mum? bro? y is my responsibility always so big? I HATE BEIN THE ELDEST!!! HATE IT!!
im tired of thinkin of everything tt juz wun seems to turn out well. i'll stp here.
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ber feel retarded. ber feel lonely. ber feel lost.
dar dar will come and save the day. ;P 3 days i'll still be smsing u my dear =). dun worry kz. u still can sms me and i can sms u.
responsibilites groom someone into a better person. so dun worry. it's a phase you have to go through and i will be there to help you =)
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