i am an idiot

y do i even bother trying to work this r/s out with someone who doesnt want to?
y do i even bother caring for someone's feelings when he doesnt care abt mine?
y do i even bother trying to say anything when he thinks i have no rights to say?
y am i loving someone so much that i just wanna be with him and make this r/s last?
y am i so stupid? y cant i just let it go?
y cant i let go of someone that doesnt need me at all?

loving someone isnt it suppose to do things together n stay with each other thru everything?
y do i feel like im the only one who want this to last?
all he thinks is "wad ifs" that doesnt exist nw...then wad if u dun wanna try committing and u end up losing someone u love? it doesnt matter to you does it? work then gd lor if nt nvm lor. how do u even expect sth to work when u dun wish it does coz u dun wanna try to make it work.

y cant i just let it go? maybe i should try to fuck care too. maybe i can let out someday.
i feel like such a fool to believe in love. it doesnt exist does it?

i am an idiot!

goddess at home

yeah yeah u make it sound like you are so great.
yeah indeed i am thankful that when i gt no money i ask from u, u will give me.

BUT HAVE YOU TOT ABOUT HOW I FEEL TO GIVE AWAY HALF MY PAY SINCE I'VE STARTED WORKING TO THE HOUSE???????????? FUCK! STOP TOKING TO ME ABOUT MONEY UNLESS SOMEONE IN THIS HOUSE IS SHARING THAT WITH ME!!

FUCK YOU!

moreover, i return you the money i borrow once i get my pay....wtf are u grumbling so much abt!? i keep quiet coz i dun wanna argue with u anymore...its late, im fucking tired, i took medi! fuck! dun u fucking take it that im a DUMB! !@#%&!@#!^@%$#!@*##$^&&^

my lil getaway!

31st dec 2009: the last day of 2009, our countdown at phuket starts!!!

we're in the tuktuk to patong beach! im excited! hehe


party at patong beach! beautiful fireworks and great company! we head on to a pub and here comes osama! hahaha

dear carried me on his shoulders on our way back to hotel. it was super scary coz i was damn high up there. haha...cute right?

next day everyone was so tired we only went out late in the afternoon. haha...went to a factory outlet which dear n i cant find anything to buy. after tt we went to the market ard the beach where we bought quite alot...haha...seafood dinner after that.

suntan by the beach day after. osama spotted once again! haha

camwhore. :p

grp photo since its our last night there. after which we proceed back to the hotel where a few of us continue drinking and playing games. hilarious. LOL!

our last day...seem lost right? ya coz we cannot find alan's hotel!!!!!!!!!! and we were carrying our luggages...hot n tiring. but we stil went shopping after putting down our stuffs at alan's hotel. and our flight was delayed till 4am!!! i kinda enjoyed the delay though. hahahahhaa

goodbye phuket! i had a GREAT time!
next destination: Bintan (23-24jan)
muahahaa

lonely xmas

merry merry xmas...

lonely lonely xmas...

indeed i feel so bored this xmas day. xmas eve was nice. had dinner at brandon's place then went to take a walk at esplanade to countdown to xmas.

xmas day. woke up and had lunch with kel n his mum at beach road. then went home rested awhile before he starts packing. he left at 4plus to go to the airport with kenny. and i waited awhile more till yaoquan came n pick me up to go parkway to buy josh's xmas present. had nth to do again since he needs to go back home for dinner and he will only come out later in the night. so i went back kel's place n had maggi mee n watch HK drama with his mum. at 1030, once again stupid karine tua me. luckily yaoquan did nt abandon me and i met him at zouk at 11. they had a guest DJ from bangkok at zouk playing rnb. we sat at a corner and just drink and look at the crowd but later in the night we met his frens at the smoking area and gt dragged to the crowded dancefloor. at 3, i told him i wanna go home already. but sadly his alcohol level was still off limit so we went eat prata, drink teh...hang ard till 4 before he is finally below limit. haha...and we can finally go home.

today i slpt till 3. waited for mum n bro to come back home. then went dinner at causeway point. im practically home the whole day.

tomorrow, going out with jon, together with mum n bro in the afternoon. probably another simple day. oh well the only best part is...it will be monday soon. and dear will be back in the morning. looking forward to lunch with him...if he will nt change his mind last min.

feeling pretty down nw and i duno y. gdnite.