cheer myself up. tryin hard

below three jokes r taken frm dan's clownclinic.
i tried to make myself laugh. but i failed.

baby philosophies...

If it's mine it's mine,
if it's yours it's mine,
if I like it is mine,
if I can take it from you it is mine,
if I am playing with something ALL of the pieces are mine,
if I think it is mine it is,
if I saw it first it's mine,
if I had it then put it down it is still mine,
if you had it then you put it down it is now mine,
if it looks like the one I have at home it is mine,
if it is broken it is your
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Before - Passion
After - Ration

Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start

Before - Turbocharged
After - Jump-start

Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month

Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football

Before - Idol
After - Idle

Before - Oysters
After - Fishsticks

Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should just have a salad, honey.

Before - It's like i'm living in a dream.
After - It's like he's living in a dorm.

Before - We agree on everything.
After - Doesn't she have a mind of her own?

Before - Charming and noble.
After - Chernobyl.

Before - I love a woman with curves.
After - I never said you were fat.

Before - He's completely lost without me.
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?

Before - You look so seductive in black.
After - Your clothes are so depressing.

Before - She saysshe loves the way i take control of the situation.
After - She calls me n controlling, manipulative egomaniacal prick.

Before - You take my breathe away.
After - I feel like i'm suffocating.
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Chilli?
A guy sits down in a cafe and asks for the hot chilli. The waitress says, "The guy next to you got the last bowl."
He looks over and sees that the guy;s finished his meal, but the chilli bowl is still full
He says, "Hi! Are you going to eat that?"
The other guy says, "No. Help Yourself."
He takes it and starts to eat it. When he gets about half way through, his fork hits something. He looks down and sees a dead mouse in it, and he pukes all of the chilli back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "That's about as far as i got too."

Lucky...
There were three lunatics who were walking down the street when they came across a huge pile of shit.
The 1st loony put his eye in it and said, "Looks like shit."
The 2nd one puts his nose in it and said, "Smells like shit."
The last one puts his tongue in it and said, "Tastes like shit."
They all looked at each other and said, "Lucky we didn't step on it."

Math problems?
Q: What did the Mathematician do when he was constipated?
A: He worked it out with a pencil.
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no matter how hard i tried to forget n get on. i cant. sumwhere inside of me loves u so much
i cant let go. i tried letting myself love sumone else but i failed badly. im juz deceiving myself.
move on i tell myself each day. memories kept me standing still.