to be happy or nt?

its been three nights continuously. i nv got a nice gd night frm him.
bad weekend leading to a bad week. juz as i tot. i feel like im
hating him...i feel miserable. but i feel helpless as well. firstly,
theres really nothing i can do if he is goin to treat me this way.
secondly, the feeling seems so strong tt im neglected...i duno y.
is it coz i wasnt treasured enough before he go army? n now when
he cant be with me n be there for me no matter wad. it juz makes
me feel really upset? i duno..

tokin on the fone for such a short time. longest 30 mins nowadays.
shortest only ten mins. tok short nvm...but while tokin he oso doin
things. or even distracted by his frens when they playin a fool.
we can be tokin den suddenly he say: "wah lao. gross la."
think of how i feel at that point. is it listening to me or is he like lookin
at wad his frens r doin? the first two weeks, we seems to tok more.
he seems to really concentrate more. he sms longer after we hang up
too. now??? he either fall aslp after 1 sms. or even if we sms long,
we r arguing. im so so tired. tmr im startin work. i feel sad enough i
cant see him tmr mornin. but den i dun even get to tok to him awhile
longer. he only sms ask me call him at 1005 singapore time.
which mean tekong is already 1010 at least. n they lights off at 1030.
when its nt even 1030 at my side!

i really feel like i duno wad to do. yes i love him. i wish i could be
strong for him. but im really breaking down. real bad. i cannot
take it. i really cant. i juz dun feel treasure these past few days.
sigh...(x1000)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
starting work tmr...its so last min. but im happy yet nt really.
firstly i cant acc dar to CGH tmr already. pretty upset abt it.
but i cant do anything. considering i ask for more money.
i think its nt very nice if i tell her i only wanna start work next week.
but its ok la. if dar dar really can book out tmr. and hav a long weekend.
i'll see how i can go meet him n spend time with him. if he
wan he can meet for lunch too. haha. this feels like first day of
internship. -___-" but im workin for real. no longer as an intern.
shit..this feels kinda scary. i really am scared.

no more wakin up at 1 frm tmr. gonna wake up at 7 at least.
since i duno the way there. argh..i dun wanna be late. no way.
pls pray tt the ppl there will be nice. thank u. im really afraid.
dar dar im sorry i cant acc u tmr. chelle i wanted to spend ur bday
with u. but i think i cant. sigh. unless after work. hee. but u'll
get ur present k. its slp early tonight. bleah. tts all for now.

the company's address:
32 Kim Keat Road, Singapore 328810
6/10/05 to 28/10/05, mon to Fri, 9 - 6pm

things i did when i was free

jigsaw puzzle
this is a puzzle of me n him.
have fun!

juz for dear's view
dear...pls click here

mood analysis test results
You have always been on the move seeking affectionate, satisfying and harmonious
relationships. Your ultimate goal has been the realization of an intimate union
in which there could be love, self-sacrifice and mutual trust. It has often been
said that 'True love is just around the corner' and - if you haven't found it as yet -
you possibly soon will.

You are very talented, imaginative and sensitive but you are holding back as you
do not really like going it 'on your own'. In preference you would like to team up
with someone, someone with similar attributes as your own, to explore - to
seek out and go perhaps 'where no other man has gone before'. It is the unusual
that attracts you and which will give you a sense of excitement and adventure.

All the problems that you have been experiencing of late seem to have become
a part of your life and there is little that can be done to change the situation.
Your emotions run high - but even though you feel as if at times you are about
to burst this situation will pass. Try to release your pent-up emotions by participating
in some extra physical activities like running, swimming, whatever. There must be
some favorite pastime, not necessarily strenuous, that can help you to relax.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not
like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from
others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience
life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or
limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion.
In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All
you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

try the test yourself

dreams

I've changed the song in my blog. enjoy! the lyrics r meaningful. =)

Artist: Gavin Degraw
Song: Dreams

Spending all my money on phone cards
Waiting for my ship to come in, in from that ocean
Come home to this sea, harboring in me
I don't believe in four-leaf clovers
All the luck they're supposed to bring
I've used all my wild cards
But there's something I can do

Chorus:
To get close to you
I've got dreams of love and I love you
I know you feel the same way too
I feel your spirit when you're near me and when you're away
Somehow, somewhere I'll see you again
But until then I've got dreams of loving you

Thinking bout every little thing we ever did crazy
Sipping on that memory lane
That thing never closes, seven days of the week
I can drive in my sleep cause

Chorus

Dreams I will share when I see you again
And I'll see you again pretty soon
I pray but until then I've got dreams

Chorus

pain of every month...

sigh..every month its pain. pain pain...
worse thing of all. its nt even the next month yet!!!
wad stress am i having? gdness. shitty. this sucks..
wad can be worse den having to attend a wedding tmr!!!
n im havin this now...kns.
cant see my baby tmr..though he bookin out..
im damn sad. i gt no choice. i wish i could hav him
piggy back me. coz it really hurts.
i wan him tokin to me putting me to slp so badly.
dar dar where r u!??? i need u now..! NOW~!!!
HELP ME...*sobz*
i wish i dun hav to attend the wedding.
y dun daddy go? argh. he juz dun wan to.
sigh. wad can i say. he wun wan to..
so i gonna replace him. n skip meetin my bao bei.
i think i badly need slp. it really hurts. sigh